How to decide to give birth after a child’s loss?

Again, after the loss of a child, a miscarriage, a frozen pregnancy, not everyone is resolved and not at once. Although for many women again to feel in themselves another life means hope for the future. But why is this decision so difficult?

Pregnancy after loss is accompanied by fears and anxieties, which are already enough in this period of a woman’s life. After acquiring such an experience, fears grow like a snowball, and it is important to talk about them. Voiced, they lose their strength and power over a woman. The understanding that she is not alone with her catastrophic fantasies is also healing, the psychologists of the Light in Hands are sure of the psychologists of the charity fund.

Fear No. 1: everything will happen again

Having a child after the perinatal loss, any woman is afraid that the child will die again (perinatal loss is the loss of pregnancy, a frozen pregnancy, an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage, an abortion, antenatal fetal death, intranatal death of the fetus, the death of a newborn within 28 days after birth). No matter how much analyzes she passes, no matter how much assurances of the best doctors that everything was fine, neither hearing (after all, the last time “everything was fine”) – the attacks of panic horror are repeated for the baby. The hardest time in a new pregnancy is the period at which the first baby died. These days, fear of loss is aggravated.

To reduce the alarm, mothers who have lost their children try to play it safe: they are observed at once by two doctors, ask for additional examinations and tests. Some buy homemade CTG – anything to know that the baby is alive, that his heart beats. However, no

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matter how much effort future parents make to restore their calmness, getting rid of anxiety completely cannot work. And this is normal.

“Once faced with perinatal loss, parents find themselves on the other side of the“ happy pregnancy with pleasant troubles ”. They know pain and horror of helplessness. This fear cannot be forgotten, you can only learn to live with it, ”comments Elizabeth Sukhanov’s BF“ Light in the Hands ”.

Fear No. 2: I will have a sick child

If the loss was associated with intrauterine malformations or genetic deviations, the fear of the birth of a sick child can pursue a woman up to childbirth, and sometimes after. Even good tests and ultrasound do not guarantee calm. “What if the doctor did not see? Why did he look at the monitor for so long and was silent? What if they don’t tell me the whole truth? After all, once my child had vices, is it possible to be sure that everything is fine with this baby?”

Doctors, relatives and friends often say: “Do not think about it, it will not happen again”. “You guarantee?” – ask future parents. Here the same techniques are used as in case of fear of re -lose the baby: different doctors, additional examinations. And again, all this does not help to completely calm down.

“It is difficult for a woman to just believe that everything will be fine when her life experience indicates that it could be different. Of course, she has hope, there would be no new pregnancy without hope, but fear requires a respectful attitude, ”comments Olga Lebedeva, psychologist of the Foundation“ Light in Hands ”.

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